You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
