i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
