Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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