The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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