Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
