So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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