is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
