can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
