non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
