I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
