Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
