There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
