You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
