oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
