the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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