Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
