He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
