the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
