I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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