What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
