i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
