Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
