if you like me you must not know who I am
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
