Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Can i not drive my cunt home
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
