after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
