I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
