oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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