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• (708): View more from Illinois

  oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you

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• (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

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• (762): View more from Georgia

  Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated

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• (310): View more from California

  he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that was on purpose.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra

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