we have officially lost it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Randomize
