It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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