He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
