Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My feet surprised me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
