Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
