i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
