Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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