And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
