fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
