I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
