I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
