there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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