i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
