I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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