Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
