My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
