Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
