The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
