How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
