Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
