You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
