i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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